I received this e-mail a little over two weeks ago and we exchanged a couple e-mails about this but when someone feels alone I don’t think getting feedback from one person really solves that. With their permission I have posted their original letter and would like for others to post their responses – if you want to be available for that person to contact you you can either include your contact info below or you can e-mail your contact info to me and I can forward it to them in case they’d like to talk to you more.
I’ve redacted some information to help keep their anonymity though I think many people will read this and think “this could be me” or “this was me” because there are so many themes which I hear in almost every ace narrative.
This might be one of the craziest, if not the stupidest, things I’ve ever done.
I stumbled upon your website awhile back, and I’ve spent the last couple months reading it as well as a few other related sites. And instead of feeling less confused, I’ve just been feeling more and more anxious.
I’ve been waiting for years for this switch in my brain to flip. For half of my life really, since all of my friends started getting interested in guys and girls in Jr. High. But it never has. I’ve never felt the way my friends do about anyone. And it was easy enough to pretend I liked guys in High School. And it wasn’t even that difficult to wiggle my way out of those questions about potential boyfriends and why I wasn’t having sex in college. But since I’ve graduated, that’s all anyone talks about. My friends want to know why I turn away every possible boy they suggest, and my family wants to know when I’m going to “settle down” and start my own family. But I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can actually pretend to like someone enough to go on one date with them. Let alone do anything else. I just don’t like people like that. Not anyone. I never have. I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work. And it doesn’t make sense to me. But I don’t know what to say to them when they ask all of those questions. They make [me] feel like something’s horribly wrong with me; I just don’t know how to fix it.
And it really hurts because I feel so lost but I can’t even talk to any of them about this. All of my friends already talk about me like I’m some freak because I’m [mid-twenties] years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. And my family acts like I’m a disgrace because I haven’t married a nice cowboy and brought about any new grandchildren (like my [family members] who are [ ] younger [and] have even managed to do; getting married and having kids is a big deal in my family). Every time I try to say that I’m happy just living by myself, they act like I’m missing God’s greatest gift to mankind. But I don’t get what the big deal is about boys. Or kissing. Or sex. It can’t be that great, can it?
I guess I don’t really have a clue what I’m doing. I’m really not one for randomly e-mailing people I don’t know. I’ve never felt so confused in my life, like the entire world is spinning out of control. I’d think that reading about something that explains the last 12 years of experiences I’ve lived wouldn’t wreck such havoc on my mind. Except it has. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. And I don’t think I’ve ever known less about myself.
And your blog says people can e-mail questions. But I don’t even know what to ask. I just desperately want to get out of this lost and confused place; it’s killing me. And I want to know that there really is another person out there who doesn’t like people like that either.
So there it is and here’s your chance to respond to them.